Many guys seem to be fascinated about dating a Sex Worker (Escort, Stripper, Exotic Dancer, Brothel Worker, Erotic Massage etc); but if they happen to find themselves in a personal intimate relationship with a Sex Worker, it often doesn't play out as they thought it would. When I say dating a Sex Worker, I don't mean clients who try to subtly try and get some free sex after work by saying things like, 'we should get a drink one night you're not working' or 'I'll have to take you for dinner one night if your boyfriend doesn't mind' - trying to suss out whether I have a boyfriend or not and if I'd be interested to see the client outside of work for free. I'm talking about guys (yes often are clients initially, but not always) who genuinely want to pursue a romantic relationship with a Sex Worker and call them their girlfriend.
In my experience, whether a guy wants to date an Escort or Sex Worker was initially a client or not, really doesn't matter. When I first entered the Escort Industry as a Sex Worker, I was in two distinct mindsets about dating guys: one train of thought was that if a guy was already a client and wanted to pursue dating me, then he'd already be familiar with my work and understand that I do sleep with men and couples for work (as that is exactly how he and I initially hooked up right!) and he wouldn't mind; I also thought it would circumvent the very awkward and often jaw dropping conversation Sex Workers usually have to have when someone doesn't know what we do for work, 'hey I sleep with people for money as my job'. Why would a client mind if I continue to do my job and have sex with other men and couples for money? Do you begin dating an Accountant and think they will stop seeing clients to do their accountancy work and provide accounting advice?
My second train of thought on dating guys while I'm a Sex Worker was to never date a client. The old cliché of 'never mix business with pleasure' scenario. Many Sex Workers also believe that if you have an existing client who happily pays your fees on a regular basis, treats you well etc, why would you all of a sudden stop seeing them as a paying client and see them for free? I hold this to be true 99% of the time, but I must say - the few times I've considered dating a client and actually have, the money aspect never came into consideration. I probably never worried about losing them as a paying client because I've been a successful Escort for many years, so I wasn't chasing a client for money (even though they tell me they will look after me for life, LOL). What I really wanted is what any girl wants, irrespective of their job; that's love, affection, positive and healthy relationship and thought I was going to get it!
Dating a Sex Worker doesn't allow for monogamy and traditional mainstream dating concepts
One of the hardest things guys seem to struggle with when dating a Sex Worker is that we will continue to have sex with clients for money - like I mentioned already; that is our job, and that was our job when you met us. So knowing this, why on Earth would you want to pursue dating me, a Sex Worker, when you know you're going to have to accept the fact I'll be having sex with other men and couples for my income? I've also never understood when guys know they are the jealous type or controlling type, why would they torture themselves (and ultimately me) by entering into a relationship that is clearly not monogamous? Many guys who aren't comfortable with us doing Sex Work while they are in a relationship with us, often lie and mislead us from the start by pretending they are OK with it; when clearly they aren't. It's often very unhealthy from the beginning, but I must confess just as so many guys can't handle us having many sexual partners during our job, so many Escorts like myself have seen the red flags with jealous and controlling guys yet still pursued an intimate relationship with them even though they can't handle sex work. Why do Sex Workers like myself entertain relationships that already show warning signs? Probably because we're in hope that this guy is the one who will accept us and give us what we want in a relationship. Very rarely is this the case, and often ends in tears!
Things you must understand when dating a Sex Worker
Here are a list of things that I think will help anyone date an Escort:
Understand that when a Sex Worker has sex with clients, it's just sex! Nothing more
In Australia, we've been traditionally socially conditioned to consider sexual acts to be very sacred, private and often taboo. In the most general sense, something that should be only shared between a male and female (yes once upon a time, it was illegal to be gay in Australia; during the 1980's it only became legal!) in strict privacy. Who says this is right though? Many countries around the world have considered prostitution / Sex Work / Escorting etc to be part of their culture, and an integral part of generating an income if you aren't fortunate to be well educated; e.g. Thailand. The draconian belief no sex before marriage must be adhered to by all, that men and women should only have 1 partner ever, even if you're not happy etc needs to change - not everyone needs to conform or believe that; and if you do believe that, that's fine, but also accept it's not for everyone. Even today, in 2020 despite having so many advancements in humanitarian rights and positive paradigm shifts in society, the oldest profession in the world (prostitution) is still frowned upon by many - anyway that's a story for another time.
If you're going to date me, accept I'm going to have sex with many different guys and couples (I'm bisexual so enjoy sleeping with both males and females, I especially love teaching couples how to enjoy sex again!) for money. I'm a Sex Worker and that's what I do. If I wasn't getting paid to have sex with them, I wouldn't be having sex with them - I'm only doing it for money. The sex I have with clients is meaningless to me. Read that again - the sex I have with clients is meaningless to me! Read it again! There are no feelings attached with clients. The sex I want and have with my partner is based around feelings; it must be both meaningful and fulfilling.
Another aspect about having sex with clients many boyfriends can't get their head around is understanding I can still enjoy having sex with clients (well most of them), yet it means nothing to me and doesn't compare to the sex I have with my boyfriend. Jealous guys will say 'oh but you enjoy fu**ing your clients, if you didn't you wouldn't do it'. Yes I do enjoy fu**ing most of them, but what they can't seem to understand is I'm not choosing my clients over my boyfriend - if anything, it's the other way around! I choose my boyfriend over them. My boyfriend is the one I go home to, my boyfriend is the one I care for and am there for, my boyfriend is the one I want to love - not my clients.
I could ramble on about so many situations about sex with clients is just sex, and nothing more, but my final words of advice to guys trying to get their head around this is: Accept it. Understand it. Comprehend it. Or leave!
Dating a Sex Worker doesn't mean sex 24/7
Not sure why, but many guys think when they date a Sex Worker they will get endless sex around the clock. I think this comes back to them fantasising about what having a Sex Worker girlfriend will be like. I've had guys say to me before how good it would be to date me or other Escorts and get the best blow jobs all the time, mind blowing sex all the time etc - these things are ideals that are very far from reality. Who has sex around the clock, all the time and it's mind blowing? Even the horniest of guys, how many of you really want blow jobs all the time? If this idea turns you on, that's cool to have that fantasy, but let's be real for a moment. What girl wants to provide them with blow jobs all the time or sex all the time? Many clients book our services as Sex Workers because they don't get either enough sex in their private life, or they don't engage in the type of sexual acts that fulfils them in their private lives; hence they book an Escort to satisfy their needs.
Do you have a favourite food? Something special you don't have often - favourite steak or maybe a special red wine? Apart from tasting amazing, something else that makes it so special when you have it, is that you don't have it regularly - making you appreciate it more when you do have it. I drink a lot of water everyday, just simple boring tap water. While I do enjoy it, you'll never hear me talk about how amazing it is all day. Same goes for mind blowing sex; you'll find that it's not something you experience daily, but when you do have it, it's amazing and can be mind blowing. There are many aspects that can make sex mind blowing for the individual, story for another time! What's something sexual that you found amazing when you first had it, or the first few times experiencing it? Maybe anal sex? Or the use of sex toys? The first time you gave a girl a facial? Whatever it was, I'm sure you enjoyed doing it a lot at the start of finding your new found pleasure - but as time went on, while you still enjoyed it, it didn't provide you with that same initial pleasure; then you may move on to trying other things, or just don't do it as often.
Now let's look at having a Sex Worker as a girlfriend scenario. We provide sexual services as our job. Whether we work 5 days or nights per week, some more, some less - let's agree the majority of our time is providing sexual services for money. After spending the majority of our time each week providing clients with sexual services, do you think outside of work that we want to continue to have sex all the time? Hell no. You often hear of painters who never finish their own house painting, or plumbers who never seem to have time to fix their own leaking taps - why? Because when they get home, the last thing they often want to do is what they have been doing all day for work!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Sex Workers don't want or need fulfilling sex outside of seeing their clients; remember, when we have sex with our clients it's not meaningful or fulfilling like having sex with our partner. But it won't fulfil a fantasy where all we do is want sex non stop. Any sexual relationship, for it to be 'mind blowing', fulfilling, satisfying etc requires a lot of work - from both partners.
Communication is key in any relationship, but even more so when dating a Sex Worker
I've already touched on this, being jealous your girlfriend who is an Escort sleeps with many other men besides you - if you feel like this, please don't let it build up. Talk to us. If you feel you're starting to get resentful or withdrawn because you feel we're giving other guys attention over you, talk to us. We aren't mind readers, and the longer you let negative feelings build up, the worse it is for everyone. I don't think there's a Sex Worker on the planet that isn't aware many guys who want to date us are likely to be insecure and feel threatened that we have sex with others - but this is our job, and you knew this when you wanted to date us. Many of you who want to date us met us while we were working as an Escort!
Just as it's important for you to communicate with us, we will want to talk to you about whatever is on our mind. It's normal to want to share issues we have with our job with you, so long as we feel safe and don't feel threatened by negative judgement. It's very common for Sex Workers to not share too many things about their job with their partner, in fear of the partner getting jealous. However if we can't talk and share our emotions with you, like anybody else in this situation, the relationship will begin to fail and fall apart.
Mental aspect of Sex Work is harder than physical labour
Not every client wants sex from us, and even those that do, the majority want their emotional needs met as soon as they've cum. Some clients will book for 2-3 hours and only have sex for a total of 30 minutes. What do they do for the rest of the time? Confide in us, get their worries off their chest, ask us for advice, tell us about their family, their work, how their wives don't sleep with them - for many clients, they only time they feel they can be in a safe, judgement free environment and truly be themselves, is when they book a Sex Worker. In addition to that, there are also many men who book time with us so they can escape their reality, and be whoever and whatever they'd like to be - this could involve role play or them just expressing an alter ego. Whether it's a fantasy land or a mini escape for them, as Sex Workers we provide that sanctuary.
The emotional therapy and support we provide clients has exposed me to so many aspects of human nature and life I ordinarily wouldn't have known about. I personally find the majority of it is very interesting and enjoyable; but it is very draining of my energy. Funnily enough, I've worked with other Escorts who are qualified psychologists; some still practice and work as an Escort outside of practicing hours, while others have left the profession - they all say that it's much harder as a Sex Worker to meet the emotional demands of men. Men are very demanding and require so much of us, that it often can result in emotional fatigue and lethargy that can result in us being withdrawn from a partner in our private life.
If you're dating a Sex Worker and you find she is becoming distant, withdrawn or seemingly not present while you're with her - this is where the importance of communication comes in. Every Sex Worker is different, I personally prefer when I need space, for my partner to give me space. However we all know that some people when they say they want space, they actually need some love and affection directed in the right way. My advice is if this is happening, to express understanding. Many Escorts, including myself at times, often find it hard emotionally to distinguish between being Chloe the Escort and being Chloe the great girlfriend. This happens especially if I'm tired, anxious, overworked, stress or a combination of all 4. Juggling two distinctly different personalities, Sex Worker and girlfriend is very hard and often overwhelming at times. If you can be a partner that allows us to talk about our sex work, how we feel and you then share how it's impacting upon you, the result is often very positive and builds an even stronger relationship moving forward.
Sex Work is a real job
Forget the crappy glorified TV shows that portray Sex Work to be a highlight reel that makes out all Sex Workers are ladies of luxury; swimming in money, spend most of their time at nail salons, hairdressers and when they are actually working as an Escort, being in the company of only extremely wealthy men, enjoying high society gatherings, dinners and travelling on yachts. Far from it. Escort work for requires you to be a part-time psychologist (giving advice and listening to clients problems and also managing their emotions), receptionist (scheduling bookings with clients, both in advance and last minute), book keeper (must do all your own paperwork, tax, superannuation and financial planning), marketing guru (doing advertisements and social media posts), fitness expert / personal trainer (need to understand nutrition and gym workouts so you can stay in shape and be attractive to clients) and then in addition to all those things; actually perform the physical labour of sex work. Oh, almost forgot! And! Be a good partner, have a social life, see family and all the other "normal" things. By no means is this little rant a 'poor me', as I did choose this job; it's more to try and highlight the reality of being a Sex Worker.
Sex Workers don't need to be saved by their boyfriend
I'm a Sex Worker and choose this job and own the decisions and choices I've made in life. I don't need saving. Yes, sadly there are people around the globe who are forced into prostitution and are being held against their will, engaging in sex slavery (another story for another time!). I don't want a boyfriend that thinks they need to save me from the world of Sex Work. I believe not everyone enjoys their job, there will always be aspects of any work that isn't as enjoyable as other parts. Being an Escort is exactly the same. Some clients I don't enjoy spending time with as much as others. Sometimes I really can't be f**ked going to suck someone's cock for money. Regularly throughout my time as being an Escort I have considered would I rather be doing something else? The answer is no. I want a boyfriend that I can share my life with, both the good and the bad. I want a boyfriend that inspires me to be a better person and experience greater fulfillment in life; sounds cliché but it's true. Who doesn't want that from a partner?
I hope this helps anyone who is thinking of dating a Sex Worker. We all want to be loved and supported xx